The Mysteriousness of Love

Love.

We as humans use this word so much, and yes, I find myself guilty of this. "I LOVE rock music!" "I LOVE Jason Dunn!" (OK, this one is possibly true....) But you do get my point. Love. We say "I love you" to our high school boyfriends/girlfriends if we are lucky enough to have them. But do we mean it? Do you really mean you love me if you break my heart in two seconds? I'm not so sure....

But at this age, I can't comprehend love quite clearly yet. It's hard, and it feels frusturating at times. When am I going to find that ONE? The one that the text message forwards always send out: That perfect guy that's going to find you if you send this to 25 people in 5 minutes. Let me tell you, I think I've got at least 4-6 perfect guys realizing they love me. And they are....where?

I'd always wondered what it felt like to be loved. I've got a wonderful life, probably the most possible. Except for one important element. My family by no doubt loved me, I just wasn't feeling it. Things I poured my heart into they just didn't seem to see how much I truly cared. It's almost as if they ignored me on purpose, I detested it. I withdrew, creating my own little circle, hoping they'd get the message. LOOK AT ME. I TRY TO DO EVERYTHING TO IMPRESS YOU. WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME?

*SONG BREAK!* Everything You Ever Wanted--Hawk Nelson :)

But I did find love.

Last night, my friends Chloe and Merissa came over. We started up a campfire (and even sang the campfire song. Not to mention the Spanish alphabet song!) After my parents left, we roasted more and more marshmallows, burned more and more marshmallows, and talked. We put everything out on the table. No secrets were kept, what we found was a strong bond, stronger than I'd ever seen us before. Suddenly, the stars seemed brighter, the world seemed at ease. I felt a love, an understanding. Something new to me.

Going to church the next morning helped even more. My school and church friends blended so well, there was no tension or drama. Together we hugged and sqeezed so many people in to one row of chairs. Together, my friend Mackenzie and I held hands, a few tears coming out of her eyes. Poor girl has been through so much, she's so strong. I admire her. Together, we woke my friend Allie up, who had repeatedley fallen fast asleep. Together we can worship, together we can share, together we are stronger than any one of us.

This is where I feel so much love. We laugh, we live, I hope we'll never break apart. Different schools, different lives, different locations, but so much love between us. I'll never forget my wonderful youth group.

But there is one love greater than this, I can hardly imagine it. And that is the love of Jesus Christ. I love the line "when Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you." Is that true? Was he really carrying that heavy wooden cross, while the people screamed at him, while they beat him, made him bleed, and finally killed him, did he really think "It's all worth it. This is for Bethany Marie. So she will be forgiven."? That amazes me, because even though it is not proven, I do believe it was true. I do believe Jesus loves me more than anyone else can. I do believe that Jesus is my perfect guy, and it doesn't matter how many people I send that to in a forward, because he's already realized it.

He's known it all along.

Love is such a mysterious thing. It builds us, it breaks us. But it can also cover us, keep us warm and safe. And that's the love Jesus has for me. This breaking, building, wonderful, unfathomable, great, powerful, amazing love that leaves me awestruck and mystified. There's not much more I can say but THANK YOU Jesus.

Thank you. I love you.